I
put my car into park in front of the old Food-4-Less building on the
outskirts of Spanish Fork, Utah, surprised by how full the parking
lot was. Roller Derby posters plastered the automatic doors,
featuring scantily clad girls glaring aggressively from the poster
board. Oh boy, I thought, $5
in hand, I guess I can always leave early.
I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was tired of watching movies for
my night out. I came looking for something real.
There
were only three or four rows of chairs around the track, and I was a
little late, so I just sat on the floor by some BYU students. The
announcer said something (I never did manage to understand him), and
a pack of ten or so girls decked out in fishnet stockings set off on
their skates. It was The Zombies v. The Vampires.
I
could tell that the two girls with the star on their helmet were
trying to break through, but besides that, I'm still a little foggy
on the rules. There was so much jostling and shoving that nobody was
getting up any speed, but then one of the star girls knocked her last
blocker out of the way and took off around the track at full speed.
The blocker skidded to a stop on her knees just a couple of feet from
where I was sitting. All right! That's the kind of real I'm
talking about. She jumped up just as the other team's starred
player broke out, chasing down her opponent. It's like football, I
thought, minus the ball.
I
picked up my brochure, trying to make sense of it. The bout (read
game) is comprised of two 30-minute periods. Each period is split
into 2 minute jams. There was a whole list of illegal moves: no
tripping, no punching, no using your hands or elbows to push, grab,
or shove, and no head butting. Basically, this is a girl's fight.
You have to be a little creative with your meanness. There was a lot
of hip bumping. And when I say hip bumping, I mean 180 pound girls
sending other 180 pound girls flying off the track kind of hip
bumping.
I
tried to pay attention. The two starred players had caught back up to
the pack of girls. This is where they got fancy because everybody's a
little more spread out. I watched one girl get up on her skate brakes
(or whatever they're called) and tip-toe her way through the pack at
full speed. Pure awesome.
And
then the jam was over. They all skated back to GO and lined up again,
trading out quite a few of the players in the process.
At
some point, the BYU students whipped out a homemade white banner.
Millie Megahurtz, whooooo Millie Megahurtz! Did I mention they
all have fake names? My favorite was Princess Filet-ya, but
Honey Guns was a close second. (After it was all over, I asked
how they pick their names. Whatever fits our personality, she
said. Sometimes it's our professions or our interests or our
strengths. I nodded, thinking of Lady Hipcracker. I'm
pretty sure she was the best blocker out there, mostly thanks to her
ample hip-cracking skills.)
Between
time outs, trade outs, and a generous half time where players mingle
with the crowd – most of whom are probably their family and friends
– it was an action packed two hours that I will never forget.
So
take a chance on something new and look up your local Roller Derby
team here, they play all over the world.
FYI:
there was no smoking, alcohol, drugs, or bar fight-like scenes - at
least when and where I happened to be, I can't speak for elsewhere.
The worst I can say for the Happy Valley Derby Darlins is that they
like to play their music loud.
Kids
were running around everywhere, somebody was selling raffle tickets
for free jewelry, and the concession stand was dirt cheap. The girls
of both teams high-fived and hugged each other afterwards, and
generally it felt, well, wholesome. Don't tell them I told you that
though, they might be embarrassed.
No comments:
Post a Comment